Age is just a number and a function of hormones and chicken
After a 20 minute wait to find a taxi to take me from Zamalek to Garden City, I finally find a taxi willing to do me the honor of driving me home (several had refused previously, which is not unusual in Egypt). I enter the vehicle with a sense of relief only to realize that the driver in question doesn’t look a day over twelve years of age. Factoring in stunted growth and bad visibility, the maximum age one could attribute to him was fifteen and even that was a stretch. Nevertheless, I decide to carry on with the ride, after all, how dangerous could it be ? I assumed he probably had been driving since he was ten.
Very quickly I realize that knowing how to drive was not the gentleman’s problem. His main issue was that he did not know his way around Cairo at all. Moreover, convinced that he was driving a clown cart or another recreational vehicle. He was also constantly looking at his phone, scrolling through photographs of expensive cars. After three wrong turns and whilst his car was pirouetting around the entrance of the Kasr El Nile Bridge, I say:
-Please put down your phone and look at the road !!! يا روح ما بعدك روح , my life is precious to me but yours doesn’t seem precious to you! How old are you ?!!
Of course, I had inadvertently condemned myself to a conversation for the rest of the journey. He beamed and slickly turned around to say:
-How old do you think I am auntie? Actually, you know what ? I’ll show you my ID so you can see for yourself. But now, I have to know how old you are!
He said this at a very slow pace, taking his time, his eyes, of course, were off the road, proceeds to look for said ID, while I was begging him to keep his eyes on the road.Completely disregarding me, he lit a cigarette, and kept on shuffling through mysterious papers whilst proffering gems of wisdom:
-Ok auntie, forget my ID, God doesn’t want it to be found, ماليش نصيب ألاقيها ! We don’t need to discuss my age. Let’s discuss yours. I’d say you're 22. Why ? I'll tell you why!
I hadn’t asked but he continued regardless:
-Girls these days, they develop so quicky you wouldn’t know if they are 12 or 30! It's all because of hormone chicken. Hormone chicken is full of hormones! I swear, they make you grow up quickly and die quickly! Age doesn’t matter anymore because of chicken! Mankind has changed. One day you are a young girl playing with dolls, you eat Pané chicken and you wake up with a developped chest and are ready to get married. So maybe you look older, but because of the hormones and bad food, I’d guess you are younger.
We finally arrive to my destination, I was surprised to be alive. Of course, his meter wasn’t working and he wanted he requested a sum that was larger than usual for such a short, albeit eventful trip.
-Listen auntie that chicken stuff was all make believe to make you feel better, you look older than 22. I deserve five extra pounds for those mistake detours ok, that’s all extra gas I have to pay. وبعدين اعتربي اني فاسحتك
