Drugs are never the answer, but then again, the Taxi driver forgot the question

I wanted to leave City Stars Mall and head to downtown Cairo but I couldn’t find a single Taxi willing to take me. After a long wait, a driver finally accepted and he even accepted to turn on the meter. I jumped in immediately. 

In my desperation I didn't notice that the gentleman was either high or unwell. At first he was just fidgety. He kept on driving in zigzags and ducking under his seat to find contraptions to decorate the car : he took out a spoon govered in glow sticks and optic fibers, then a mango plush toy, some prayer beads and 3D cinema glasses. When the car looked like the offspring of a Christmas tree and disco ball, the driver finally seemed happy, but this interlude of calm was very short lived.

Things got worse as soon as we reached the highway, he saw a billboard of the Egyptian football team and started talking to with them with a voice full of emotion:

-My lions, my pride !!!!! I love you, I swear to god.  يا أسود يا فخر البلد بحبكم اه والله

He moved on and started muttering under his breath:

-I will win the race against that white Hyundai over there, I will crush you my friend, I will crush youuuuuuuuuuu. You’ll be soud as scrap metal, you will see. هتتبع خردة يا هيونداي

The white Hyundai of course did not share in his sportsmanship .

We finally enjoyed some calm on the 6th of October bridge but it was short lived . He saw a Pepsi commercial with Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo on it and decided he had to talk to them:

- Messi ! I hate you, you spoilt idiot ! I spit on you سفخس عليك سفخس, but not you Ronaldo, you're my habibi ! Walahi Habibi!!!!

He was about to slow down and talk more but he got distracted by an ambulance behind him. He decided to engage a bit with the Ambulance, placing his car in its way and waiving at it cheerfully saying:

- Hey ! Uncle Ambulance!!! I'll let you pass but only after I tell you this !! I love Egypt and Egypt loves me ! I love Egypt and Egypt loves me! يا عام الأسعاف مصر بتحبني و أنا بحبها اه والله 

After that, he was calm for the rest of the drive on the bridge, only occasionally muttering about a Mercedes stuck next to us in traffic:

-That’s a nice car you’re driving… Veeeeryyyy nice. I bet you love it. I bet you love it very much. Who do you love more rich man? Your wife or your car?

Thankfully he remained relatively calm after that. Only emitting the odd whisper or unexplained fit of laughter.

The trip was finally coming to an end. We exited the 6th of October bridge onto Ramsees Square. He parked all of a sudden, a few hundred meters for the bridge and got out of the car, leaving the keys in the ignition. He walked away saying

-When he comes, tell him I went to piss and remember: I love Egypt and Egypt loves me!

He never told me who “he” was and he did return to the taxi some 15 minutes later, his face soaking wet and looking a lot more refreshed. I made it home. I lived to tell the tale. 

Actual picture from the inside of the taxi. The mango plush toy is visible.