The prince, the popstar and the chauffeur
I had just entered an Uber with a very frail and skinny driver and we were exiting the street when a policeman placed a metal barrier in his way for absolutely no reason. This is by no means an uncommon occurrence and it’s often done for one of two reasons, a show of power or absolute absent mindedness and lack of awareness of one’s surroundings.
The Uber driver clearly was having none of this nonsense and opened the window and started shouting at the top of his lungs:
-You animal, you buffalo, you large ruminant, remove that thing at once! Who do you think you are? What do you think you are? Do you really think that this is a government? Do you? You are just a bunch of ignorant livestock, only good for stopping us in our tracks and preventing us from getting any work done. يا عسكري يا حيوان يا جاموسة يا شوية مواشي تعلى شيل الخرى دا هو انتو فاكرين يعني انكم كدة يعني حكومة بجد ؟ دول انتو شوية بلطجية ملكمش لازمة ! دول انتو مش فهمين، فالحين بس توقفوا الحال
I was of course terrified for this gentleman, given that we were in a rather heavily guarded neighbourhood, and he seemed intent on getting himself arrested. I immediately reached for his shoulder and started trying to calm him down, even if he was jumping up and down with enough energy to power a nuclear plant.
-Calm down baba, calm down, it’s not worth it. You will get yourself into trouble for no reason.
-What are they going to do with me? I’m 70 years old. Are they going to arrest me? Let them! I tell you what, I wish they would arrest me, I wish they would give me an electric shock and put me out of my misery. This isn’t my life. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.
Upon hearing him talk about the past, I immediately felt better, knowing that he wasn’t going to start any fights. I relaxed and let him continue.
-You know, I travelled the whole world, I spent a lot of time in France, in Paris and on the Côte d’Azur. I never imagined Egypt could become such a punishing place. I was the driver of a Saudi prince you know? A real prince, mind you. Back in the 90’s, he took me with his whole household of personnel to Nice for the engagement party of his daughter. He had hired Amr Diab to sing for her wedding. You know, Amr Diab always was a snob.
Did you see that video of him slapping a fan across the face last week? Well I’m not surprised. When I got to know Amr Diab, he was still starting out. Barely a star. My boss sent me to pick him up from his hotel. Amr Diab called me from the hotel room and asked me if my prince had sent him a decent car. He said he wouldn’t be seen in a car that was not worthy of him. I only told him that my boss, a prince, sent a car that only a prince would have. I didn’t even care if Amr Diab would come or not at that point. I’m not very patient. Of course, Amr Diab came and saw that I was driving an emerald colour Rolls Royce. That shut him up.
We reached the venue and we went it through the delivery door. They were unloading the drinks, bottles of champagne and red wine that cost 5000 franks a bottle. Amr even asked me:
- Can you get me and my drummer a glass of that please?
You see Ostaza, he no longer pretended to be star when he saw real money. I went and talked to the Maitre d’Hotel and he opened a bottle for us three, we sat and drank and ate and sang and finally, when they called him onto the stage, he insisted I go with him. Yes Ostaza, I promise you! Amr Diab then swore he wouldn’t set foot on the stage unless I was with him. I went along, made a couple of stupid movements with my hands and left. I worked for the prince for 30 years after that and he kept on reminding me of that time I was on stage.
